Apprentices Wanted

This is the most fantastically finished HMO I have ever seen. I don't even want to advertise it as a shared house because that sounds too seedy. This is Oxford's version of the house where Alan Sugar's Apprentices live in London.

It has 7 bedrooms and seven beds but the HMO man says 'No.'

He thinks that the 7th room is to small to be a bedroom. Yikes. Its got a bed a wardrobe and a bedside table in it. If it looks like a bird and flies like a bird... And as for sizes: the understairs cupboard in this house is bigger than my bathroom at home; the 7th bedroom is bigger than most second bedrooms I've seen in modern flats lately.

The landlord is a builder who has owned the house for years and he's really pleased with the result and not too pleased with HMO man - or himself: when we were looking at the outside of the house he said to me that he had been cursing the idiot who scratched all the brickwork when he put the Coronation Street rendering on. Then he remembered that he had done the job himself 20 odd years ago!!

But even the brickwork looks great now though after some hard graft done through clenched teeth and if you know anyone who wants to live here get them to call me.

Good things come...

I thought that this would be the week I would be buying a new computer. The switching off thing had got ridiculous and no amount of de bugging or spy botting was making any difference. But no, the problem with the 'puter has been remedied and we are now the proud owners of a ball of dust the size of a week's worth of lint from the tumble dryer in winter. I am so ashamed. One of my landlords suggested that windows had lost its mind; another one suggested that I disconnect the power cable and then reconnect it which I think is the posh version of switching it on and off at the plug. Richard's diagnosis at a distance was over heating. It turned out that Richard was the lucky winner of an evening at the madhouse with a can of that cleaning air and a little brush. It seems that 4 years of not cleaning inside the box is a bit too long! Now its staying on as long as we want it to but the sound doesn't work.... Then the next morning I switched on the monitor and it stayed awake long enough to boot up then went black. Mmmmm time for a new one. So along with the mound of dust, we are now the proud owners of a flat screen monitor - about 5 years or more behind the times! Its smallness frees up lots of room on the desk for more junk, like pens, and hopefully it will use less power too. We also had to buy a new tv this week but that's another story. And now Blogger isn't recognising my return key....... New keyboard? Please not.

So, so secure that I can't spend any money

Our computer at home has been doing odd things lately like shutting down all of a sudden when the boys are playing Peggle at the same time as listening to Napster and running the internet in case they need to look for cheats for the PS2 game they are also playing. It sometimes does it when I'm using it too and I'm not sure why but it can only be a bad sign.

The quick and easy solution seems to be an external hard drive. Its definitely cheaper than a whole new machine and better than losing all the data on this one which include loads of photos and music which I foolishly haven't really been backing up anywhere. My friendly IT assistant says this kind of behaviour is another step along the road to computer oblivion; we need one that's bigger, better, faster, quieter - and more expensive.

I found just the thing at dabs.com called Buffalo something which made me think of Buffalo fencing but smaller. So I clicked to buy and added my card details and the new Verified by Visa thingie popped up. I duly entered my card number, expiry, card name and my date of birth and waited.

Mmm error, try again. 3 times I tried and then it locked me out. Ring Visa it said. They shut at 5.00 so that was no good and I spent the night worrying that the 'puter would conk out next day and all would be lost because I hadn't bought the Buffalo.

When I rang them the next day they 'took me through security' and when I said my date of birth the girl said 'No, that's not your date of birth sorry, try again'

What? Really? No wonder no-one could ever come to my birthday parties as a kid. I thought it was because they were snowed it but obviously not!

I told her again and again she told me I was wrong. No wonder the card verify hadn't worked. She wouldn't tell me what date she had on her screen so I told her to ring Barclays where I have my account and cross check.

She rang me back and admitted that they must have made a mistake. It would be fixed but I wouldn't be able to use the card for another 24 hours while they updated the system.

Aargh. Another day hoping that it will restart every time it shuts itself down.

Click to buy at dabs is fantastic. I clicked at 11pm Wednesday and it arrived at 2pm on Friday. Plug and Play and half an hour later all of our computer is now in two places at once. I know techies don't think this is cool but I do. Wow.

So now I am free to click and buy once again. Do you want to see what I've been looking at?

Cult Pens and The Writer's Edge for pens and here for Classic Mercedes.

I can see myself in a big old gangster car - well it is Blue

and this little convertible is just the right size for my dw.

How would I expain that to the accountant? Sadly we are more in need of a 7 seater than a 2 seater and in the meantime you will see me in my Citroen

Imitation..........?

Is it the sincerest form of flattery? Or lazy business? Or just plain rude?

I don't know but I think that some aspects of Bluedoor's business model are worth copying because they are good for customers: using more than one photo in web advertising for a start.

Flexibility and making people happy not mad as hell are good too.

The fixed price is of course our USP. We have it because we genuinely believe that if we do the same work for all our landlords we should charge them each the same price for that work.

It is not a gimmick or a limited time offer: it is a sign of our wish to treat people fairly and honestly in a truly transparent manner.

Others may imitate us but none are truly like us.

We are the unusual agent.

Call me......

Bluedoor is always open. Any day of the week that you want to view a property I will oblige.

Any time of day that you want to view a property I will oblige.

If you want to view a property on a Sunday afternoon I will oblige.

If it turns out that said Sunday afternoon is hot and sunny and you don't fancy viewing a house - PLEASE call me to tell me you have changed your plans then maybe I could make plans for the sunny Sunday afternoon myself!

I don't even mind being dumped by text. Try me.

TFI Yellow Pages

I met a new landlord last night who said he was a friend of my good friend Pete over at Mallams and his family who had recommended me because his current agent was so bad (nameless but begins with 'C')

It turns out this landlord's wife is midwife and works with Pete's wife. This is what they do on those long night-shifts between catching babies - complain about agents and talk about houses as well as cleaning up, smiling and being there for so many people at an amazing time in their lives, obviously. When our last baby was born we saw Pete's wife on our way out of the hospital and she offered to sort me out with two house bricks -yikes.

Unfortunately I am known to have caused my dear wife to suffer through two difficult labours because my darling girls are so special that they cause a fuss getting out and she was offering to spare her more trouble from me.

Pete's wife couldn't remember anything other than that I am Greg and we're called Bluedoor.

I asked the landlord how he had found me then

"Oh it was easy - you are in the Yellow Pages"

And there was me cursing the waste of money that was our box in the yellow thing that most people use as door stops or trip over on the bottom step of the stairs - or is that just in our house?

This is he very first time anyone has ever said that they used the old fashioned way to look me up. Maybe I will pay again next year.